St Joseph's Roman Catholic Primary School, Pickering
English 
Writing Test Exemplars
2004

1.	Time for a Change?

	SENTENCE STRUCTURE & PUNCTUATION
	Summary
	Some sentence features (adverbials, subordinating connectives) characteristic of A3, but repetition of sentence openings and very limited evidence of commas keeps the mark at the top of Band A2.
Band A2 – 3 marks
	COMPOSITION & EFFECT
·	Some relevant content and explanation of ideas (because if there is cereal); address to audience less secure (switches between kids and you) (C2).
·	Writing expresses opposition to new timetable (big problem) (C2).
·	Some vocabulary supports persuasive purpose (survive) or is specific (allergies), but elsewhere simple terms are used (C2).
	Summary
	There is some evidence of the development of content and the piece maintains a simple but clear point of view. Greater use of persuasive vocabulary would be necessary for a mark in the higher band.
Band C2 – 5 marks
	TEXT STRUCTURE & ORGANISATION
	Summary
	The piece has some overall shape, and there is evidence of connections within the text; greater grouping of ideas and organisation within paragraphs would be necessary for Band B3.
Band B2 – 3 marks

2.	Time for a Change?

	SENTENCE STRUCTURE & PUNCTUATION
	Summary
	Some variety of adverbials and modals suggests Band A3; there is also mostly correct sentence demarcation. Less repetition of connectives and more control over the development of long sentences would be necessary for the higher mark in this band.
Band A3 – 4 marks
	COMPOSITION & EFFECT
·	A series of opinions, with some explanation, covers several areas of content (C2); however initial support for new timetable unbalanced by main emphasis on problems.
·	Writer’s attitude is expressed (I agree with) (C2), although views are not consistently held.
·	Some vocabulary supports persuasive purpose (love, adore) (above C2), but other choices are unspecific and repetitive (registration thing, read things, bad thing).
	Summary
	The writing expresses relevant views about several aspects of the new timetable, with some development and attempts to use language persuasively. However, weakness in consistency of purpose keeps the mark within Band C2.
Band C2 – 5 marks

	TEXT STRUCTURE & ORGANISATION
	Summary
	Some simple overall organisation of text together with some use of cohesion lead to Band B2. However, weaknesses with the grouping of similar ideas suggest the lower mark in this band.
Band B2 – 2 marks

3.	Time for a Change?

	SENTENCE STRUCTURE & PUNCTUATION
	Summary
	Extended sentences, adverbials and some accurate use of commas with mainly secure sentence demarcation suggest Band A3; evidence of adapted verb forms (above A3) takes the mark to the top of the band. Less repetition of modal verbs and greater range of punctuation would be necessary for the higher band.
Band A3 – 5 marks

	COMPOSITION & EFFECT
·	The opinion piece is clearly in support of new timetable: writing anticipates possible concerns (Although you may think) and emphasises advantages (help you to concentrate) (C3); the effect is slightly weakened by ordering of points and limited appeal.
·	Writer portrayed as giving careful consideration to both sides and coming to a reasoned conclusion (C3).
·	The polite style (would like to say) is supported by formal language (In conclusion), and some words help to persuade (relax, enjoy) (C3); however, word choice is mostly unadventurous.
	Summary
	A series of relevant points designed to persuade a school audience is presented, suggesting Band C3. More effective ordering of points and more use of vocabulary to interest and appeal would be necessary for a higher mark in this band.
Band C3 – 6 marks
	TEXT STRUCTURE & ORGANISATION
	Summary
	Organisational devices – used meaningfully to guide the reader through the text – together with some elaboration of topics with explanation lead to Band B3; more consistent development of paragraphs at the beginning of the text would be necessary for the higher band.
Band B3 – 5 marks

4.	Time for a Change?

	SENTENCE STRUCTURE & PUNCTUATION
	Summary
	Sentence variety is created by modals, adverbials and subordination, suggesting Band A3. However, weaknesses in punctuation, including sentence demarcation, limit the award to the lower mark in Band A3.
Band A3 – 4 marks
	COMPOSITION & EFFECT
·	Writing persuades by emphasising negative impact of change (wouldn’t have eaten for five and 1 half hours!) (C3), although there is some repetition of points.
·	Writer’s expression of strongly held views suggests concern for situation (C3).
·	Direct address (we, So you see) (C3); rhetorical questions (above C3) consistent with spoken approach; some simple vocabulary used repetitively (food, fresh air) (below C3).
	Summary
	Writing engages with direct address; views are supported with explanation; sustained approach gives evidence for Band C3. Less repetition of ideas and greater use of vocabulary to persuade would be necessary for a higher mark in this band.
Band C3 – 7 marks
	TEXT STRUCTURE & ORGANISATION
	Summary
	Grouping of points, mostly supported by paragraph divisions, allows organisation of whole text and gives evidence for Band B3. More consistent development of ideas within individual paragraphs would be needed for the higher mark in this band.
Band B3 – 4 marks

5.	Time for a Change?

	SENTENCE STRUCTURE & PUNCTUATION
	Summary
	Varied sentence structures and types, along with a range of correctly placed punctuation, suggest A4; further variation of sentence openings would be necessary for the higher mark in this band.
Band A4 – 6 marks
	COMPOSITION & EFFECT
·	Range of persuasive approaches combined, including enthusiastic direct address (lets make it, you know) and encouragement (you would get used to it) (C4). However, there is some content reiteration.
·	Writer adopts knowledgeable stance (all ready in use in France) and appears convinced of own opinions (C4).
·	Formal style almost always maintained through vocabulary choice (propossed, scheme, figuritvly speaking). Persuasive language interwoven with content (would all ready have got three out of the five parts of the day over with) (C4).
	Summary
	Thorough coverage of points combined with a confident, persuasive explanation of views lead to an award in Band C4; less repetition of content would be necessary for the higher mark in this band.
Band C4 – 9 marks
	TEXT STRUCTURE & ORGANISATION
	Summary
	Evidence of overall shape and paragraph divisions support grouping of content; more consistency of within-paragraph organisation would be necessary for the higher mark in this band.
Band B4 – 6 marks

6.	Time for a Change?

	SENTENCE STRUCTURE & PUNCTUATION
	Summary
	Evidence of a good range of simple and complex structures and verb forms used to extend meaning, together with commas and other punctuation, leads to Band A4; greater use of varied sentence type or word order for effect needed for the higher mark in this band.
Band A4 – 7 marks

	COMPOSITION & EFFECT
·	Coverage of points is thorough as consideration is given to both sides of the argument; adaptation evident in selection and emphasis of most appealing points (Not having to do homework at home?), although weakened by brief conclusion (C4).
·	Writer positioned as one of the pupils gives impression of identifying with audience’s concerns (I’m sure that you, like me) (C4).
·	Simple, direct language increases immediacy of speech (as I am doing now); strategic use of emotive adjectives (wonderful, Brilliant) to persuade (C4).
	Summary
	Adaptation and effective use of stylistic choices to present the writer’s opinions in an appealing way merit the award of 10 marks; more effective use of conclusion to reinforce points would be necessary for the highest mark in this band.
Band C4 – 10 marks
	TEXT STRUCTURE & ORGANISATION
	Summary
	The structure of the text is clarified for the reader and links are developed within paragraphs, suggesting Band B4. Further consistency of paragraph divisions towards the end would be necessary for the higher mark in this band.
Band B4 – 6 marks

7.	Eyewitness

	SENTENCE STRUCTURE, PUNCTUATION & TEXT ORGANISATION
	Despite some insecure use of tense (come, run), sentence structures include evidence of simply expanded phrases and some development to clarify the order of events. These features, combined with mostly accurate sentence demarcation, lead to an award of 2 marks.
Band D2 – 2 marks
	COMPOSITION & EFFECT
·	Some description of the car (red and small), but other detail (a bad day) does not always support the informative purpose of the account (E2).
·	Attempts to establish an objective view of the scene (saw five baby fox’s!) are somewhat limited by the emphasis on the eyewitness’s role in the incident (E2).
·	Account includes a mixture of informal, conversational language (Well, ok) and more formal abbreviation (mph). There are some attempts to describe sounds with precision (sqwel, zooming, crash) (E2).
	Summary
	The inclusion of some relevant detail supported by some descriptive vocabulary choices provides evidence for Band E2; however, greater emphasis on information relating to the fox or driver, rather than the eyewitness, would be necessary for the higher mark in this band.
Band E2 – 2 marks

8.	Eyewitness

	SENTENCE STRUCTURE, PUNCTUATION & TEXT ORGANISATION
	Use of simple connectives to link a basic sequence of events, varied by occasional expansion and inclusion of phrases to show position, leads to the award of 2 marks. Mostly accurate sentence demarcation supports the award of this mark.
Band D2 – 2 marks
	COMPOSITION & EFFECT
·	Some attempt to present detail of event sequence (called for help, phoned the police); some explanation for audience (to make sour It was not hurt) (E2).
·	Writer mostly describes what happened from an objective position (a tree, The driver), with occasional comment suggesting writer’s attitude (unforchently, hopfully) (E2).
·	Some vocabulary choices are specific, supporting an accurate depiction of events (bash, stepped), but other references are very general (the car, the fox) (E2).
	Summary
	Although the use of detail is not consistent, there is evidence of a simple but relevant account of events to inform the audience. There is sufficient evidence of a detached viewpoint to merit the higher mark in the band.
Band E2 – 3 marks

9.	Eyewitness

	SENTENCE STRUCTURE, PUNCTUATION & TEXT ORGANISATION
	Although there are some inconsistencies in punctuation, there is sufficient evidence of developed sentence structure and organisation of content just to merit the award of 3 marks.
Band D3 – 3 marks
	COMPOSITION & EFFECT
·	Several details support the purpose of the account; coverage includes different stages of the changing scene (fog of smoke / smoke lifted) and reaction of the driver (very shaken) (E3).
·	Writer gives the impression of a detached observer; personal opinions (terrible, to my suprise) are evident but are not the focus of the account (E3).
·	Some descriptive words are carefully chosen for effect (screeching, squeeling); formal style apparent in description of car (tyres, bumbers, bonnet), although not completely sustained (a writeof) (E3).
	Summary
	This piece presents a fairly comprehensive account of the incident, including detail about how events unfolded and the consequences for the driver, car and fox. To gain a higher mark in this band, greater consistency of style would be necessary.
Band E3 – 4 marks

10.	Eyewitness

	SENTENCE STRUCTURE, PUNCTUATION & TEXT ORGANISATION
	Events are clearly organised, and there is evidence of expanded sentences and correct punctuation. However, some repetition of sentence structures and insecure sentence punctuation limits the mark to Band D3.
Band D3 – 3 marks
	COMPOSITION & EFFECT
·	The account describes the whole chain of events; explanation of the eyewitness’s thoughts and actions engages but is also mostly relevant to the incident (not thinking I shouted…) (E3).
·	The writer chooses to involve the eyewitness directly in the incident; however, an informative approach to events is also maintained (E3).
·	A conversational style is adopted (now, cool) and held fairly consistently; some vocabulary choices support precise description (scampered) (E3), although others are less specific (nice) (below E3).
	Summary
	The writer’s decision to give the eyewitness a role in the accident slightly weakens the focus on the key event; however, the moment-by-moment record of happenings contributes to a full description of the unfolding scene.
Band E3 – 4 marks

11.	Eyewitness

	SENTENCE STRUCTURE, PUNCTUATION & TEXT ORGANISATION
	Complex sentence structures and adapted verb forms give evidence for Band D4; accurate punctuation and control over the organisation of the text support the award of 4 marks.
Band D4 – 4 marks
	COMPOSITION & EFFECT
·	Selection of detail builds a clear picture of events (fumes came from the back of it, bonnet was in peices); description covers several aspects of the situation (appearance of car, reaction of driver) (E4).
·	Eyewitness’s comments suggest careful observation and responsible attitude to the incident (I was afraid that the car …) (E4).
·	Stylistic choices include use of technical terms (colliding, physically injured) and words that contribute to precise description (dodge) (E4).
	Summary
	The form of an account is adapted to provide a full description of events from an informed point of view. Further coverage of the context of the accident (eg positioning of car or fox at different points in time) would be needed for the higher mark in this band.
Band E4 – 6 marks

12.	Eyewitness

	SENTENCE STRUCTURE, PUNCTUATION & TEXT ORGANISATION
	Despite some weaknesses in range and quality of punctuation, ample evidence of complex and varied sentence structures and the consistent control of textual organisation merit the award of 4 marks.
Band D4 – 4 marks

	COMPOSITION & EFFECT
·	Throughout the account, priority is given to comprehensive coverage of relevant information; detail used to give a full picture of the driver’s behaviour at different stages of the incident (E5).
·	Events depicted from the point of view of a thoughtful passer-by; careful differentiation of factual detail (covered with sticks and leaves) and inference (From what I had seen) (E5).
·	Stylistic features, including figurative language (looked like an acordian), verbs for precision (skidding, darted, limping) and formal reference (normal route), combine to present an informative, vividly described account (E5).
	Summary
	The apt selection of content and use of stylistic features to engage and inform produce a developed and purposeful description of events, as if seen through the eyes of an observant witness. The account justifies the award of 8 marks.
Band E5 – 8 marks